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When Marabelle Blue ran Kink-E Magazine, she dealt with fetishists of all types. Everyone from dominatrixes who were into BDSM to a character by the name of “Zig the Foot King” — whose claim to fame was his ability to stick a woman’s whole foot in his mouth, regardless of the size — was given a platform to showcase their talents and their wares.
Today, however, the Phoenix-based Marabelle runs her own coaching company — Coaching & Mentoring with Marabelle Blue — and she’s a certified life coach who has helped singles, couples, and throuples of all kinds, without judgment.
Her unique background in the fetish community has given her a unique look into relationships — and she says that couples make these common mistakes in their relationship, and she hopes they can avoid them in the future.
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“The biggest mistakes are assumptions and lack of communication,” she said to The Express. “I’ve noticed throughout the years, owning a fetish magazine and interviewing a good amount of people in that world […] Most of the questions I’ve gotten is, how can I tell my girl I’m into….whatever it is they are curious about. How can they share those curiosities to their partner about the lifestyle, without fear of getting shut down.”
While Marabelle Blue says that it’s not unusual for a person to want to try something new and different in the bedroom, it’s also important that what they want to try is safe, sane, and — most of all — consensual.
In other words, Marabelle says, if your partner doesn’t want to do it, then all bets are off.
“If you brought the suggestion up to your partner in jest and she rejects, perhaps it may not be something they are open to,” she said. “Entering relationships with someone, knowing full well what they are into and you think you have the power to change this is a no. A red flag for the person who’s committed to a certain lifestyle and the red flag for the person trying to change her partner instead of being open to the lifestyle and perhaps consider partaking. The relationship was doomed to fail in the hopes the other partner will change to make them happy.”
Outside of the ol’spank & tickle, too, Marabelle Blue says that there has to be more to a good relationship than just great sex — and couples who try to “fuck the pain away” will find themselves in trouble sooner rather than later.
“Having sex to keep a partner, that’s not a good thing,” she said. “It’s toxic for you because of the “beliefs” of giving them what they want will make them change their minds about you. Ask yourself what do you want out of a relationship? Is it worth having a lack of intimacy when the sex is over when there wasn’t any to begin with?”
The most important thing to remember in a relationship, says Marabelle, is to remember that you come first — that is, if you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else, no matter your shared fetishes.
“The most universal advice I can give, as a life coach, is to love and respect yourself first,” she said. “Being sexy is a state of mind, not the size of your body. Think before reacting, be good to yourself and take care of you!”
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