And my abject fear of unforgivingly lit fitting rooms would be enough to stop me buying a ticket to Becky Hutnerâs film about award-winning designer Amy Powney. Still, this engaging documentary reassuringly confirmed most of my half-baked prejudices about the fashion industry.
The film follows Powney, creative director of the label Mother Of Pearl, as she jets around the globe to source wool and cotton for a new line she can market as âsustainableâ.
Powney, an admirably driven young lady raised by hippy parents somewhere near Preston, discovers she works in a thoroughly dirty business built on animal cruelty, child labour and the vast consumption of fossil fuel.
Eventually, she realises she has to make a few compromises. Her wool will come from a lovely, sheep-friendly Uruguayan farmer called Pedro, but it will be shipped thousands of miles to an Austrian mill, albeit one that doesnât rely on kids, plastics or chemicals.
Her organic cotton will be sourced from a certified Turkish supplier but they, for unexplained reasons, refuse to let her inspect their plantations.
While I donât know much about fashion, I have seen more than my fair share of documentaries and the best ones donât leave so many vital questions unanswered.
I had to turn to Google to find out what exactly the âsustainableâ banner signifies (the definition is woollier than Pedroâs flock) and the retail prices of Powneyâs eco threads (jeans are ÂŁ195, T-shirts are ÂŁ95) are eye-watering.
As those prices make this a top-down revolution, it seems the most eco-friendly option open to the masses is to keep wearing unfashionable old togs until they fall apart.
As I have several shirts in circulation that are older than Powney, Iâve decided to self-certify my collection as âshockingly sustainableâ.
- Fashion Reimagined, Cert 12A, In cinemas now